Loss and Grief

The middle of July through the end of the year is a difficult time for my family and me. We are reminded that the world continues to spin and time keeps moving forward even after a great loss. Although this difficult time does not directly pertain to Alzheimer’s and Dementia it may hit home with some of you. My thoughts are unorganized and the words don’t flow smoothly together. My lack of focus can leave my mind foggy and my body exhausted. I guess grief can do that to you.

Experts say there are seven stages of grief. I’ve found that these stages do not go in any particular order and are often repeated. These stages are Shock and Disbelief, Denial, Pain, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance/Hope. There are also different types of losses that we grieve. Of course, the loss of a Loved One to death’s door is the one most people associate with grief. Some other losses we mourn are Loss of Relationships, Employment, and Health.

Grief is exhausting and can become very overwhelming. I’ve learned that you need to feel your feelings and talk about them. As painful as that may sound, and it is painful, you have to give space to them. If not, that emotion will begin to fester and intensify until the blister finally pops. Leaving an uncontrollable ooze of negativity that can push you into a very dark place.

In that first year of my journey with grief, I stuffed my many painful emotions into a “closet”. Struggling every day to keep those “monsters” hidden behind that bulging “closet door”. I was so very afraid to confront those monstrosities of soul-shattering pain. I was using all my strength and every ounce of energy to forcefully keep that “door” shut. I found myself in a very dark place. I was very fortunate to find a safe place to allow those “monsters” out of the “closet” and talk about my shattered heart, lost hope and disappearing dreams.

Don’t Let Grief Guide Your Path

The old adage “Time heals all wounds”, is not completely true for me. Time does not heal all wounds. Even when the wounds appear to heal, there are scars left behind. These scars are a reminder of our brokenness and the strength it took to gather those pieces and put ourselves back together. Time does not heal, but using that time to learn to feel our feelings does somewhat in time ease the pain just a little. This allows us to cope with these scars without allowing them to define who we are.

Grief is difficult. Give yourself permission to talk about it. Talking about it takes away its power to consume you. Don’t let grief guide your path. Find a comfortable balance that allows grief to walk with you through this thing we call life.