That’s the Constant Question
When you are fortunate enough to be able to care for your Loved One Living with Alzheimer’s at home ….. There is a constant question looming over your head. How will you know when it’s time to place your loved one in a facility? This is a very sensitive question for most people and the answer does not come easily. My family needed to face that question about a year and a half into caring for Gram at home.
In the beginning, we had several family members and some trusted people from the community to help Gram stay at home. Gram had a sum of money in the bank and we were able to secure a grant from the county and state to help pay them. Acquiring that grant is a whole other story. In-home care is expensive, especially when supervision is required 24/7. Of course, then there’s the challenge of maintaining a caregiving schedule and balancing our own jobs and families. At first, it was an exciting challenge that we met head-on. Then the excitement wore off and we were just left with challenges. Do not get me wrong, I feel blessed to have been able to spend that time with my Gram. But it was not an easy task.
An abundant array of choice words.
Gram didn’t like a couple of the caregivers and she did not hide her dislike for them. There was many an occasion that she had an abundant array of choice words for her family too. My thought is that it comes with the territory. Being her granddaughter….. I felt I could approach the situation a little differently than I would if I were a nonrelated caregiver by being assertive and straightforward. My Gram referred to me as the “Bossy Redheaded B*tch”. Which to this day I proudly shoulder with a smile. Others were not able to separate the nasty name-calling and meanness from the Gram we knew. So, our help became scarce and volunteers were not knocking down our doors to expose themselves to this side of our beloved Gram. A very wonderful handful of caregivers did stick around and became “family”.
Wonderful handful of caregivers
Eventually, money became tight and the caregivers who choose to be private pay had to take a pay cut. Our family began to cover more shifts. Also, the county and state grant payee company lost their contract and we were faced with a several weeks delay of payment for the hours allotted for our loyal caregivers. It seemed as though this whole thing was falling apart. Our family began silently holding in grudges. Then the silence was broken and feelings got hurt. We began looking for facilities. I will leave this struggle for another story.
So for Gram’s family, the decision came down to finances. Looking back, there are quite a few things we should have done differently. But we were new to this struggle and did the best we could do at that time. There are no magical keys to this aspect of caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s or Dementia. Other families face this decision under different circumstances. Some may be confronted by the primary caregiver becoming ill or emotional exhaustion may set in. Whatever leads these families to decide to place their loved one in a facility, it is not an easy decision. It comes down to a very over thought, emotional, personal soul-searching realization that it is finally time to put their loved one in the hands of someone else.